A Mean Old Man
by Hebi R
Summary: In the pilot of Firefly, Mal claimed to be a mean old man.  This statement was more accurate than most would guess, and he is not the only one with a secret to hide.  Caleb and Jasmine take on the verse, and find Serenity.  Xover with BtVS.


Title: I'm a Mean Old Man

Author: Hebi R.

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything, G-d bless him.

Summary: In the pilot of Firefly, Mal claimed to be a mean old man. This statement was more accurate than most would guess, and he is not the only one with a secret to hide.

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One would not expect two individuals such as them to form a bond, but somehow it had managed to work. He had convinced himself that she was not _really_ a woman. She resented his lack of worship, but appreciated his hatred of half the species she had come to loath. At first, their partnership had been centered on killing off as many as they could.

Long centuries changed them. He finally acknowledged his attachment to the friend that was indeed female. She found that human form changed her perspectives on free will. He admitted to almost missing the Source, and even those annoying Slayers. She admitted that she missed Angel's team, and somehow missed Connor most of all.

He was forced to admit that women were not the only ones responsible for the Hell that Earth had become. She found that the destruction she had predicted did not please her as much as she had expected. As they looked out at the world that they had each tried to save, once upon a time, she saw her pain reflected in his eyes. He knew he might not have made it aboard the spaceship without her to lean on.

He was somewhat surprised the day he realized that he had become the leader, but gradually came to understand. She had lost control of the situation even though she had literally controlled the hearts and minds of thousands. She would never entirety trust her leadership abilities again.

Neither could figure out when they had stopped hating humanity, and did not even notice until they day that he found himself assisting with the plans for a town on they moon they would land on, and she somehow ended up teaching a self-defense class. That night, thoroughly disgusted with themselves, they decided to get as drunk as inhumanly possible the instant a bar opened up.

He hated learning Chinese. She just shrugged; she had retained all of her knowledge, at least, and what goddess would allow a language barrier to separate her from her followers. He alternated between glaring at her and being forced to ask her to tutor him.

After emigrating from Earth, they stuck to the Rim worlds. It was easier to hide there, and hiding was particularly important to two immortals. They finally changed their names, not wanting anything to link them to the passengers of the ships from Earth-That-Was. He though a name that meant 'life' fitted her perfectly. She told him that his name meant that he was devoted to a saint, which was true, but she secretly loved that everyone was constantly calling him 'bad' in Latin. It would take years and one very crazy little genius before he realized her joke.

He said that it would be nearly impossible to hide under Alliance rule, and that was why he was joining the Independents. She pretended to believe him. As she signed her name on the recruiter's form, she could not help but think that Angel would be proud of her. She watched him take on an enthusiasm that had long been missing as winning the war became his new sacred mission. He watched her bond at the soldiers, and shook his head in amusement at how much they both had changed.

Losing the war hurt. It was the first time they had committed themselves to 'fighting the good fight,' and considering the result it would probably be the last. Simple survival became the new goal; neither was interested in learning whether or not they really needed food to survive. The new crew was…interesting. When that cute little mechanic smiled at him, he wondered how he ever could have killed girls like her. She watched his reaction to the Companion and laughed, but refused to tell him what was so funny. He wondered when he had learned to tolerate whores.

One thing he learned was that, considering the number of times he was shot, he must have retained his abnormal resistance to damage. Not to mention his bad karma.

She did not expect to fall in love. Especially not with a man like that. She had once been worshipped, had fed upon some of the finest specimens of the human forms. And yet, she found that the little gifts he slipped into her things, the way he looked at her when he thought she did not notice, and most of all the way he made her laugh was the finest form of worship she had ever encountered.

They made a decision not to talk about it. Their pasts were rather embarrassing, and each had done regrettable things. They only broke this pact in extreme situations, such as when she told him she was getting married. His voice was cutting when he asked her if she planned to reveal her true face, and did he think maggots were attractive. She slapped him, and then burst into tears for one of the very few times in her existence. He patted her back awkwardly, told her she was beautiful, and that Wash had better appreciate the fact that he was marrying a genuine goddess. She felt better at the time, but could have killed him when he drunkenly repeated the last comment during the reception. She felt guilty for not telling him, but she remembered the previous reactions to her form and kept silent.

The Alliance made them nervous for many reasons. They had been (were still) Independents, they smuggle and committed other petty crimes, and they were especially afraid of anyone developing an interest in their 'unique constitutions.' Having two fugitives around was just asking for trouble, especially when one of them turned out to be a gorram reader. Several times they considered leaving the siblings behind. In the end, they could not do it. The doc was useful, after all. River turned out to be less of a threat than they had feared.

Out of the blue, River told her that any child she had with Wash would be beautiful, and that no false face would be necessary. Zoë wondered if any of the girl's nightmares featured her true face.

He was alone in the infirmary after receiving yet another gunshot wound when the girl came in and asked if he hated her. She read the answer in his mind before he even opened his mouth, and embraced him. Then she thanked him for letting Simon keep his eyeballs, and skipped out of the room.

The next time the pair talked, they decided that it did not matter if the girl knew. Even if she had not been crazy, no one would ever believe her. Though they did wonder why she kept bringing up obscure bits of legal lore whenever Jayne was around…

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A/N: The bunny really got me this time. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review, especially if you notice a problem; it is one in the morning, so I may have missed a grammatical error. 


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